http://beenlookingforthemagic.tumblr.com/post/1427157150/how-to-tour-in-a-band-o...


How to Tour in a Band or Whatever
by Thor Harris

1-Don’t Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer. If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. goddamn.

2-If you fart, claim it.

3-Don’t Lose shit. Everybody loses shit. Don’t fucking do it. Asshole.

4-Don’t fuck anyone in the band. There are tons of people to fuck who are not in this band. Dumbass.

5-If you feel like shit all the time, drink less beer at the gig. You will play better & feel better. What are you… a child? Some have the endurance for self abuse. Most don’t.

6-Remember the soundman’s name. He will do a better job.

7- Eat oranges. Cures constipation & prevents colds.

8-Masturbate. Duh… Where & when? Be creative. You’re an artist right?

9-If YOU can’t carry your suitcase 3 blocks, it’s too goddamn big.

10-Respect public space in the van. Don’t clutter, you Fuck.

11-If you borrow something, return it. Not Fucked Up.

12-Do not let the promoter dick you or talk you out of the guarantee. If there were not enuf people there, it’s their fault.

13- Driver picks the music.

14-One navigator only (usually sitting shotgun). Everyone else shut the fuck up.

15-Soundcheck is for checking sounds. Shut the fuck up while everyone else is checking.

16-Don’t wander off. Let someone know where you are.

17-Clean up after yourself. What are you… a goddamn toddler?

18-Touring makes everyone bi-polar. Ride the waves as best you can and remember, moods pass. So don’t make any snap decisions or declarations when you are drunk or insane.

19-Fast food is Poison.

20-The guestlist is for friends, family & people you might want to fuck. Everyone else can pay. They have day jobs.

21- Don’t evaluate your whole life while you’re sitting in a janitor closet waiting to go on. You think you’re above having shitty days at work? Shut up & do your goddamn job.


these are all good general life rules

#5 is a good life lesson regardless

This sounds like it was written by a 16 year old who got into Black Flag about 3 months ago.

Riddled with expletives, insults. Either that or Hulk Hogan.

no issue, just something i noticed

something i just learned this week, while not on tour, but
in a tour-like situation, that I will keep in mind next time I
do go on tour:

merino wool socks: antibacterial, wick away sweat, anti-odor.
I just wore a pair for 3 days straight inside of leather boots
and when I finally took them off, neither they, nor my feet
smelled at all. This may not seem like a big deal, but when
someone's half asleep and peels their shoe off their foot,
and everyone who's awake has to deal with the smell, it pretty
much ruins the rest of the ride, which is usually several hours.

this is all good sound advice. Thank you THOR!